Over the past few weeks, we have received many calls from parents seeking guidance. The summer has been long, and the anxieties about the new school year are running high! Kids are not accustomed to saying, “I am feeling worried and uncomfortable.” Instead, you might see their discomfort manifest as acting out, irritability, or emotional reactivity. The back-to-school anxiety has arrived, as we are less than a week away from starting school.  

What is going on? 

Kids are feeling anxious as they contemplate these questions:

What is going to happen?

There will be new teachers, classrooms, and classmates. They might fear the uncertain and unknown characteristics of next week’s start. 

Will I be okay away from family?

Most kids are worried about feeling safe, but being away from family after so much face-to-face time with family can be a tough adjustment and cause separation anxiety.

Will I manage at school?

Kids are worried about being accepted by peers, especially if there has been social conflict in the past. Every kid wants to feel included, and being excluded is painful. When bullying creates feelings of vulnerability, kids are more at risk. Added academic pressure to keep up in the classroom further exacerbates anxieties for kids who sometimes feel “less than” other kids. 

Give a Sense of Control Before School Starts

Kids become anxious when they feel powerless and not in control of their circumstances. Try to give them back a sense of control with these strategies: 

Make a calendar

What is happening when? When are you shopping for back-to-school supplies? When are you getting that back-to-school haircut? When is the first day of after-school? If families live in multiple households, mark which days are assigned to each parenting partner. Be sure to mark the many(!) school events scheduled for September. Engage your child in making and decorating the calendar. 

Talk about the school year

The release of the class list is always a terrorizing event. Who is in the class? Who can be identified as an ally for your child? What does the teacher look like? Try to find a picture of the teacher's appearance on the school’s website or LinkedIn. Kids will feel more comfortable if they anticipate familiar faces. Visualizing can offer assurance and reduce fear of the unknown.

Role-play social scenarios

 In this post-pandemic world, social interaction can feel hard to manage. Practice social situations through role-playing. You can take turns acting out different scenarios, such as introducing yourself to a new classmate or asking a teacher for help. It is helpful to have a rehearsed script or plan to manage these social situations. 

Make a trip to buy school supplies

School supply shopping doesn’t have to be arduous. Make it fun by going to get a treat. Have your child pick out their pencil case. Play some music while you pack those bags of folders, tissues, and cleaning wipes to be brought on the first day. Try to make it fun. The more relaxed kids see you, the more comfortable they will feel. 

Plan breakfast and snack menus

Go to the market together. What groceries would be great for breakfast? What kinds of snacks will they like packed or on hand for after school? Give your child some choices for the start of the new school year. Having the power to choose gives a sense of control. 

Do a dry run

If your child is starting a new school, rehearse where to stand for the bus, where to go if they feel scared, and where to get a snack. Some kids might begin going out for lunch. Practice exchanging money as if you were playing pretend restaurant. 

The First Day of School Outfit

What will that highly anticipated first-day outfit look like? Lay out the clothes, shoes, and hair accessories close to the bed so there is no panic for that first morning back. 

Get Ready for the First Day 

Standing in line waiting for the teacher on that first day can be hard. Teach your child some ways to calm their bodies. Taking deep breaths where they really expand their bellies is helpful. Doing these in sets of three can help regulate the body. Progressive muscle relaxation by squeezing and releasing their hands (even while in their pockets) can help. Squeezing and relaxing their toes inside their shoes can offer some grounding when anxieties run high. You can also provide a small object – a special stone, shell, or coin to have your child rub inside their pocket. This can especially be helpful for kids who need sensory stimulation. You might even want to pack a laminated family picture to keep in the school bag to aid the separation anxiety. 

Lean in on Creativity

Have your child draw when they come home from school. Or even create a journal with some reflective writing. You can also create a graph charting emoji faces each day to document daily moods. You can even take a selfie while you walk to school together and see how long you can keep your streak going. This is fun to look at over the months. 

Know the Body’s Limit

Anxiety can be draining, and stamina will be affected. Consistently scheduled sleep and downtime are essential. Kids cannot be rushed from one place to the other without some breaks—plan for those with busy schedules that are often set at the start of the year. Think about morning, afternoon, and evening routines that will help regularly offer some breaks. 

What else should parents consider?

Try your best to manage your worries. Kids will feel anxious, and we, as parents, don’t like to see them stressed. Try to model flexibility and problem-solving. Don’t try to rescue them from their feelings. It is okay to feel sad, frustrated, or lonely. Convey that feelings are valid and that it’s okay to feel what they feel. Normalizing their emotions can help reduce the stigma associated with anxiety and encourage open communication.

Try not to ask questions that reveal your own worries, such as, “Were you able to talk with anyone today at school?” Instead, ask, “What happened in class today that you really liked?” Focus on the positives so your child can begin to see the highlights instead of the lowlights of each encounter. 

Let the class teacher know if you have concerns. 

If you have specific concerns about your child’s ability to socialize or any other major stressors they have endured, let their teacher know. It is helpful to share some context so they can support your child more effectively in the classroom. 

Transitions are tough. Starting school can create anxiety. You can empower your child to grow strong in the coming school year with key strategies and support. 

And we are here to help. Let us know if more support is needed. 

Have a great start to the school year, 

Marygrace, Anita and Rohita